What does being a Pagan mean to me?
This is a question that has been on my mind recently and I feel writing my answer would be a very good idea. (Be warned of possible rambling, may have to edit later)
To me, being a Pagan means that I have chosen to not only trust in my deity, but to trust in myself. When I first started looking into Paganism, I was very unsure about myself and if I would be able to learn what I would need to know. Back then, I believed that Paganism was a set core of beliefs and that you had to have knowledge in herbs, potions, memorize spells, do a ritual exactly as written, and be highly cautious with the words used. Well, after spending 4 years as a Pagan, only one thing out of my expectations was correct, you have to be cautious of the words you use in ritual.
I have grown so much as a Pagan and as a person through these past four years of practice and study. I am more comfortable and confident in what I sense is right for a ritual, I am learning to write my own spells (when in need of them), and have come to realize potion and herb knowledge isn't mandatory, just helpful. I have also come to understand that just because I am a Pagan, doesn't constitute me as a Witch or Wiccan, all it means is I follow an earth based path.
To get into a full depth understanding of what it means to me, it means that yes I trust in myself and my deity, but it also means that I am working everyday on my connection with the earth. That I must respect my brothers and sisters, no matter who or where in the world they are. That if I truly want to connect, I must let go of hatred and not cling to anger. That while yes I am not vegetarian, that is fine because we all live and die as a cycle to feed each other. That I must have respect for not only other animals, but the plant life, and everything in between because even if it doesn't look it, everything is alive. It means that with every decision I make has a consequence and will create a ripple effect around me. It means that I must be conscious of the energy I carry around me so as to not bring something of negativity to a place of positivity.
And above all, that I work on every day connecting to the very stream of life of the universe. To feel every spirit of the celestial bodies, to feel the balance of the universe and to keep the same balance within myself.
With every step I have taken on my path, it has provided an answer to my questions while simultaneously creating more questions. Such is life. While I know I still have a long way to go, and will never be able to stop in my journey of learning and teaching (for to be a teacher, we must still be a student), I have come to understand that things are always in a state of change and that I must learn to accept what changes about me.
I am very happy with the path that I have found and follow, I have come to feel the most like myself because of it. As if I am finally coming out of a shell that has sheltered me from both the horror's and beauties of my life, and the world around me. As if I have come out and am shown who I truly am and who I will become as I break away the pieces that have weighed me down.
So what does being a Pagan mean to me? It means I have found myself and am still finding myself. It means life and balance and strength in myself.
