An Observation: Heathen Communities (American vs. Other Countries)

Being someone who has been drawn to the Norse Gods and trying to find a group I can learn from, I've come across an interesting, and sometimes disturbing, mix of people in the Heathen communities. Most of those who I've come across have been pretty great, they don't support racism, they don't focus too much on politics or which version of worshiping the Gods is right. They support each other, and are very open and welcoming. I've found that warmth and welcome both inside and outside of the US.

But, like anywhere else you look, the Heathen communities have their hate filled zealot people as well, more so in the US rather than out. These minority groups in the US are very vocal of racism and nationalism (again, not saying they aren't found anywhere else, I've just seen more here in the US).

I think half of the reason we find this hatred here is because it is the US. We are a melting pot of people, cultures, and heritages, and as I've looked about, while it is an amazing sight to see so many people from so many different backgrounds being able to work together, it has also caused a very negative backlash. The loss of our heritages, our cultures, the memory of our ancestors and where we've come from and who we are. We've become a country with no real culture, the only exception to that is the native indigenous who are working hard to keep their languages, their cultures, alive.

This is just a theory from what I've seen of human nature, but the only reason I can see as to why there is so much of this kind of hatred in the Heathen community, and in other religious/cultural communities, in the US is because of fear. Fear that if they don't cling to their heritage, to their ancestral culture, that they lose any identity they feel they have gained. That somehow, someone who doesn't look like them or believe the same way they do, will take away that identity.

While you still find racism and nationalism in other countries and other communities, they have to be careful about how they say things due to hate speech and discrimination being illegal. While in the US, discrimination isn't fully illegal, and hate speech is being disguised as "Freedom of Speech". Some may be wondering what hate speech entails. Hate Speech is any kind of speech that focuses on a specific group or multiple groups of people/organizations, to insight hatred and violence towards those groups. So, as an example, if Westboro was in the UK, they would be charged for Hate Speech crimes because they are promoting violence, hatred, and discrimination towards others. (Also, those laws in place don't prevent protesting, if you are against something in the UK you are free to protest it, so long as it doesn't promote violence or hatred).

Here in the US, because people want to include hate speech under "Freedom of Speech", Westboro and a number of other racist and nationalist groups can flourish, so long as they don't take any physical action. That's why here in the US we see more vocal minority hate groups in the Heathen communities, and its because they are more vocal we see come across them more often and it makes it look like they are the majority.

Apparently this turned into a slight rant and I do apologize about that. My main point to all of this is that I've found it interesting, but yet not surprising that the Icelandic Asatru Association receives hate mail from groups in the US.

But remember, there are also groups against Hatred and Racism such as Heathens United Against Racism, Heathens Against Hate, and a number of other groups out there.

Finding Your Soulmate and The Pain and Struggle of Distance

Its a raw experience, one that we all think we know till we feel it. Its one that shakes us, breaks us down, washing what we thought we knew about love away. It is a traumatizing and wonderful experience and feeling all at once. Its the person who doesn’t complete you or make you whole, they are an extension, as if you are connected by an unbreakable thread, and you both are on either end. And it feels like that thread wraps around you both, keeping you both together as if it was glue. An unbreakable bond of spirit. They help you become more than you realized you could be.

Finding that person is something we all search for.

My meeting my fiance, us ending up together normally wouldn’t have happened under the circumstances on which we met. Nothing bad, just highly unlikely.

Back in August 2010, I had just moved into my new apartment with my then Boyfriend and a Roommate in Indiana. I hadn’t found work yet, so aside from keeping the place clean and looking for work, I didn’t have much else to do. One day a friend of mine who I went to High School with in Virginia messaged me. He asked if I knew about TeamSpeak and if I would be willing to use it if I didn’t have it on my computer. He was a part of a chat room that was nothing but guys, and he felt they needed a female in the group, and I was the only one he could think of that could keep up (as in with games, science, and their type of humor). 

I had finished everything needed so I said why not and downloaded TS and joined the chat room. There was one guy who I got on pretty well with, but we never swapped information. No finding each other on Facebook, no exchanging emails, nothing. I didn’t know how to use TS so I didn’t book mark the channel, so unless my friend gave me the address for the chat room again, I wouldn’t be able to rejoin. I never got the address. 

A year passed and I had removed TS from my computer. Issues sprang up forcing me, my bf, and our son back down to my home town in Virginia. A week or so later, through a female friend of mine I met John. He was pretty cool and we became really great friends. He and my friend started to date again (long distance dating, since he lives in the UK), they had dated previously but for reasons unknown to me they had broken up. Issues occurred, I broke up with my bf, and she moved in with us. More issues arose and my ex was then kicked out due to him trying to control what was going on in my life outside of our child.

One day my friend asked if I had TS on my computer, told her I used to and that I could get it again. So I did, she wanted to talk with John in a chat room. So once it was set up she and I joined the chat. As we all were talking, I began to think John’s voice sounded really familiar. I then saw his Nickname in the chat and it clicked. I had met him previously before my friend introduced me to John. And I immediately told him, and he remembered, both of us flipping out because what where the chances that happening.

Time passed, I stopped dating for a year to better understand myself and what I was looking for in a partner, my ex had pretty all but stopped talking to me and refused to help out with my son’s expenses, and even said he gave up his parental rights to him. I still remained great friends with John, he had become one of my best friends, helping me keep my head on straight and working through things when I was too upset to figure things out clearly.

My friend eventually moved out. And then there was a lull in my and John’s conversing. We still talked, but not as much. 

Some more time passed and I had started dating again, but was at a point of just giving up finding someone. I messaged John to see how he was doing and he told me my friend was breaking up with him. I was honestly surprised and upset, I thought they were great together, but I knew there were reasons that I didn’t know, so all I could do was comfort John and try my best to keep him cheered up. (I saw how he was when she tried to visit him in England but was denied entry into the country, yeah, wasn’t a pleasant sight to see, he was absolutely miserable).

So because I didn’t want that to happen to him again, I did my best to keep him smiling and happy. About a month or so passed and he was no longer bothered by the break up. We spent hours talking, hanging out on Google, enjoying each others company and just being friends. Then around the beginning of April, a random thought hit me. I thought about what having his last name to mind sounded like. I froze and flipped out. ‘Why would I think that? I can’t! Nonononononononono bad! He is my friends ex! And he lives in a different country, why would I want another long distance relationship? The last one ended in me being a single parent!’. I did my best to force those thoughts of him and I together out of my mind. Didn’t work.

I found out a week later, I wasn’t the only one dealing with those kinds of thoughts. He too was struggling for similar reasons (minus the single parent bit), I’m his ex’s friend, he didn’t want another long distance relationship. It got to a point that we joked a little about it, calling those forbidden thoughts and feelings our Balrogs. That we had accidentally dug too deep with our friendship and released something from the dark depths.

So we did our best to assemble Gandalf and the many armies of Middle Earth to combat our Balrogs. Yeeeeah, it didn’t go so well. The Balrogs grew, his ate middle earth, and mine just skipped merrily through, knocking the armies and Gandalf off to the side as if they were rain drops bouncing off.

We couldn’t fight against them anymore, we had to give in or stop talking altogether, and the latter wasn’t an option, we were too good of friends that stop talking to each other would suck big time.

We admitted to each other we had started developing feelings for each other, so we decided he would come and visit, and we would see if there was anything, but not start a relationship before then, and that we would keep it secret until we knew (thinking, no point in upsetting his ex/my friend or getting anyones hopes up if there wasn’t anything).

Well, exactly how well do any plans like this work out? They usually don’t unless there really isn’t much there to cause the plan to fail. A week later, he had some friends over, and we were all chatting. Chris, sat there watching John and I talk for about 5 minutes, got up walked out. John and I were confused by this. A few minutes later Chris came back in, sat down next to John in front of the computer and looked directly at me. He asked me “Do you fancy John?”, I was shocked by the question and he asked it again. Knowing what John and I had planned, I didn’t know how to answer. I decided to be honest and I said yes, he then turned to John and asked if he fancied me. John also said yes. Chris then just said “there ya go” and sat there satisfied with himself.

Apparently, it had been obvious to everyone else around us, for a reaaaaally long time now, that we had an interest in each other, even when we didn’t know it. When we made it official that we were together, a lot of people responded with “finally”, “its about time”, “I knew it”. 

Ever since then, John and I have gone through ups and downs, ins and outs, but we have come out of all of it stronger. We want to be with each other, we want to be in each others life, and have each other in our life. We have been tested time and again, and still come out of it. Yes we were’t unscathed, and yes some of the tests were very rough on us, but we haven’t given up on each other.

Now we are going through another test, one of time, distance, and willingness to seek help. We have been together for almost 2 years, and known each other for almost 4 years. We are engaged and haven’t seen each other for a year now. He is a wonderful man, and very loving to both me and my son, and my son loves him and has even started to call him Daddy. We are having problems financially and need help to get the money so we can get the visas needed for my son and myself. John can afford the plane tickets, he can afford to support us, and he can afford our wedding. But because of health issues, being betrayed, and now the up most need to move due to the house falling apart, he has had to use the money he had saved up.

So we have to ask for help, even if its just 5 an nothing more, that is more than helpful. Little amounts build up. Please, help our family be reunited. Donate, share/reblog, or both. Any help at all is greatly appreciated by the both of us. We really do not want to have to spend any more time apart from each other.

Many thanks and Blessings to you

GoFundMe to be Rejoined with my Fiance

Phantom Wounds: When the Past Bleeds Through to the Present

This, I have never talked about with a lot of people except some of my closest friends. Phantom wounds. We all probably have heard about the Phantom limbs experience, either if you are an amputee yet you still feel as if the limb is still there, or if you are one who identifies as Otherkin, then you might feel as if you have ears, tail, wings, etc.

Something I haven't really seen talked discussed about is Phantom wounds. Wounds either inflicted spiritually or that were experienced in a past life that seem to crop up again in the present life, yet there are no physical signs or placements of where those wounds are/were. I experience two different Phantom wounds, from what I can guess are two different past lives because I have not experienced any spiritually inflicted wounds (at least not to my knowledge).

The first one, and longest one I've experienced, even since I was a child, was a pain in my chest. One that isn't for cause of worry (had it checked before). Anytime I start to feel it, it feels like I have a pole sticking out of my chest. Well, if you have read my blog about remembering past lives, you know in the one I spoke about I died due to taking a spear to the chest.

The other one, I don't know the origins of just yet, but with it acting up recently I have a feeling I will. This one is only as I can describe as a slash to the face. Going diagonally from the middle of my forehead, over my right eye, and stopping just at the cheek.

I've felt this wound a few times but it had never caused any kind of discomfort or pain like the first one has. Today, it has done just that. It started up out of nowhere, a searing pain down my face and over my eye. It even caused that eye to blur for a while, but now it has just turned to a dull ache. It feels almost as if I had recently been injured.

I can think I will be gaining memories of the life in which I experienced receiving this wound, its the only reason I can come up with as to why it would start acting up like it has.

And for those who may never have experienced phantom wounds before, it feels like any other pain. I have bad knees, and there are day when I can't walk very well because of the pain they cause. These phantom wounds feel just as physical as these physical injuries I am dealing with from my teen years. They cause pain, and I actually feel it. They happen at random and I never know when I will feel them.

A New Age for the Old Ways: My views on the term New Age

New Age, a term that is either loved or disliked for a multitude of reasons in the spiritual communities. A lot of the time there is a difference pointed out between someone who is New Age and someone who is Pagan. Typically a lot of New Age shops hold a lot of expensive items, even some items you could find elsewhere for a lot less money, and almost all of the items are machine made. While in Metaphysical Shops, prices will be more appropriate for the items worth, and you may come across many more hand-crafted items.

There have even been differences pointed out between New Age and Paganism, such as someone who is New Age won't really care much for the history of things, they are more focused on the new spiritual trend. While with Pagans, they are focused on the spiritual aspects of their beliefs, they care about the history, and truly delve into things.

And finally, much of the dislike is due to how the term sounds in comparison to the religions/spiritual paths. Many of these religions go back thousands of years, so hearing someone call it New Age upsets them because the religion is anything but new.

While I can fully understand this and agree with a lot of the sentiments for the face meaning of the term, I am also focusing on more of the deeper meaning behind it.

New Age; a new time, a new era, its really not trying to say that the religions and spirituality is new, but more, it is a new time to practice these old beliefs. A New Age for the Old Ways. And what many people forget is that, while yes, the religions and spirituality have roots that go back hundreds to thousands of years, time changes things.

I am very much a big supporter of reaching back to our roots, because without our past, we don't have a future. We should yes try to reconstruct as much as possible of the ancient beliefs, but we also must keep in mind that what we are practicing will never be exactly as how it was practiced in the past. So in a sense, there is still a newness to the practices because they are being revived after much of the practices being lost for so long.

Time moves forward, it doesn't go back, things will never be the same as they once were because anything that doesn't change dies. Beliefs are like water, as long as its flowing there is always fresh oxygen, there is a constant renewal and it stays clean and alive, but when water becomes stagnant, very little life can come about. There is no renewal, no way to clean it and remove any of the debris that has gathered, and eventually barely anything is alive in it.

So in a way it is a New Age, a New Age for reconnecting to our roots,  a New Age to reconnect with the Universal energies, a New Age for the Old Ways to live once again.

When the Past is Remembered

Because it is February, and in the Northern Hemisphere this is a time of awakening in the earth, I feel called to write about another type of awakening.

I'm a big believer in past lives, always have been, but even more so now. And I'm one who has always been curious about what my past lives were, but I've never gone through past life regression nor have I tried to on my own.

I only remember three past lives, and they all popped up on their own, or had been triggered. The most significant was the second life I remembered, because it is also of a life I shared with my husband, and he was even the one who triggered it.

It began when he and I were having a chat and he suddenly stopped and had somewhat of a confused yet questioning look on his face. I had asked what was up and he said a random name popped up in his mind and asked me if the name meant something to me. The moment he spoke the name, instantly I began to hear the sounds of men screaming, clashing of metal, and that name being shouted just loud enough to be heard over the sounds of battle. A day passed and that was all I heard mixed in with every day noise.

It was after that that the visual memories came forward, I remember rushing, fighting, doing my best not to get hit by any of the weapons I faced. And then hearing the name once more, but closer and more panicked, causing me to turn around, a second later struck in the chest by a spear. The pain was immense and I immediately dropped to the ground. I remember my vision starting to fade and sounds becoming more of a faint echo and hallowed.

I remembered the last moments of my life in that time period (couldn't tell you when exactly nor what kind of life I lead before my death). I can definitely say it isn't pleasant remembering such a thing, but it also was a very interesting experience, that, was repeated again with the third set of memories (not getting into that one).

It took some time, and reassuring things, for me to learn and accept it wasn't just my imagination going wild or anything. (You know how it is, you experience something, and immediately question whether it was legit or not). After my husband spoke about some of the things he remembered (which he was the one calling my name), before I told him what I remembered, reassured me that yes it wasn't my imagination.

I have never pushed to remember anything else, because for me, I have come to accept I will remember what I am supposed to remember. There is specific information, knowledge, or wisdom I am to gain from those memories, so I know I won't remember anything that will not help me in this life.

One thing I will say is that I have come to learn the difference between what is my imagination, and what isn't. For me, I can still control what happens in my imagination, basically, lucid daydreaming. When it isn't my imagination, I cannot control anything, everything happens on its own, like a vision. And its that difference that allows me to know when I'm actually remembering something or having some form of vision, or spiritually traveling.

And learning this, having these memories, has helped me move forward in my path and I have learned to better trust my abilities. Every experience we have helps us grow, and helps us awaken in our spiritual path.

The Call of Home

Deep within my blood my ancestors flow, as yours do within your blood. They are in our very DNA, they are our physical history, our very origins, our beginnings. There is a memory in our bodies, whether a physical or a spiritual one, those memories are there.

I have ancestors and heritage from the North American continent, the European Continent, and the British Isles. I even grew up with Lakota (a North American Indigenous people) traditions up until I was 12. But unlike my mother, my NA Indigenous roots are not what calls to me. I do love the traditional music, the way of life, the deep love for their traditions, but they are not the ones who speak to me.

Instead, my ancestors who's descendants came across the ocean, who traveled 3,000 miles to come to this continent, are calling me home. The traditional folk music of the British Isles and European countries speak to me, I yearn for the old ways of life of the people there, the land itself calls to me and are familiar to me, yet I have yet to take a single step on those lands.

I even found love there, a wonderful man who, even though we aren't legally married, I call my husband, and he calls me his wife. It was an unexpected and unsought love. Whats even more, he is one I have shared many past lives with, for it wasn't until he and I came together, that memories started to crop up. I know him as I know the land, the memories of him and my home are seeded deep within my spirit.

Ever since I was 10 and had visited Seoul, SK that I knew I would never settle here. I always knew I would find my family, I would find my true home, and I would find my true place of belonging. As I got older and graduated High School, I gave up on that knowing, thinking it would never happen, especially after becoming a mother.

I had broken up with my child's biological father, which had started out as a long distance relationship. The last thing I wanted after that was another long distance relationship, so I focused on those who were closer to me. I even considered moving to Canada if I could find a way to afford it, but to be honest I didn't have too much hope in doing so.

And then the universe decided to step in and has lead me to where I am now. I will be reunited with my husband, I will be returning home, and I will be with my family, and even more, my son is coming with me. I plan on making sure he has the option to be able to live in either country, for I feel it is the best thing I can do for him when he reaches the age of 18, so he isn't left with so little options. If his ancestors from this continent speak to him, and call him back, then he will be able to return.

We all have our calling, we all have the place to be, the path to follow, and the experiences to have. The universe has shown me, if it is to happen, it will, but you must be willing to take the steps forward when the way is presented to you, otherwise you will miss it.

I was lucky enough to have a second encounter in meeting my husband, had he and I not exchanged contact information, and kept in contact, I probably wouldn't be on the way I am now. I wouldn't have my loving Soulmate, I wouldn't be able to return home, and I wouldn't have my family.

When you feel that call, when you feel that undeniable pull, don't fight it, follow it. There may be trials and struggles and tests along that path, but as we know, the right path is never easy.

Deities part 2: The Importance of New Deities

So, as my previous article spoke about, it is possible to "Create" new Gods. If you have not read it yet, please read Deities: Ancient and the Creation of the New. This article will speak of the importance of the new deities.

As many of us who are spiritual in a sense understand, life has cycles, there is birth, aging, death, and rebirth. Deities also have their own life cycle in a sense. They are given name and form, they help us connect and to lead our lives, revealing to us the wisdoms of our times, and then events take place that will lead to their fading. And eventually, as time passes, and as old wisdoms are remembered and revived, new forms, faces, and names come forward to carry forward the ancient wisdoms to give foundation so new wisdoms can reveal themselves and have foundation. And the process repeats itself, giving new life, new strength, and new vitality to the universal energies.

For many years now, there has been a stillness in this process and it has been stagnant. But as the New Age movement has cropped up, yes there has been a lot of BS, but it has also allowed for the ancient process to start its cycle once more. Now there are many who are reviving the Ancient Gods and the Ancient Wisdoms, starting to give foundation for new ways, new wisdoms, and even new deities based and founded on the ancient to carry forward those wisdoms and to allow new wisdoms to arise.

At times, when it comes to the ancient deities, it is difficult for many to connect with them because sometimes our paths focus is more with the here and now and/or the of the path ahead. It doesn't mean the Ancient deities are any less important to those individuals, it just simply means they are a form of energy they are not meant to work with.

Even though many traditionalist Wiccans claim Wicca is an Ancient religion, there truly is no actual historical proof to show this. But, what they may not realize is they are a part of this cyclical process. The names for their Coven's God and Goddess are Oath-bound, this would mean that the many branches of Wicca and the many Covens that exist will not have the same name and form for their God and Goddess. Which means, the ancient energies that are the Gods are being given new life.

Without the past we cannot have a future, the past is just as important as the future, but we cannot live in the past. No matter how hard we try we can never truly return to the old ways. We can take the wisdoms of the ancients and create new ways that are very similar and are founded upon the old.

We each have our own paths, we each have a spiritualism that will vary to one another, but we all must have a foundation to support our paths. We all could come in contact with the same deity, with the same energies that wish to work with us, but will reveal a new face and a new name to work with us by.

Now, as I mentioned in the previous article, the "creation" of new deities is not for beginners due to the dangers of negative entities that would wish us harm, coming forward and presenting themselves as a deity. They are simply low beings who do not live on the higher plains that the beings who are known as deities exist. They are more focused on feeding off of individuals for their own gain and are of lower energies rather than helping guide and keeping the balance and being of the universal energies.

And because of this, that is why new deities don't come about too often. It takes time for the previous deities to live out their time to teach what they must, to add to the ancient wisdom that is being carried forward, and for a time of new wisdom to come forth.