Struggling with an Identity

If you've read my previous blogs, you know I've touched on the subject already; talking about the lack of cultural identity that many American's face. In this one I will be getting more personal about the struggle's I face with being one of many who have lost any connection to any of my ancestral heritage.

I am American born, from a family that has been here for many generations, even more depending on the part of my family you focus on. While my ancestry on my father's side is more unknown to me because I have yet to be given a lot of info aside from O'Hanlon, on my mother's side I come from a few lines. I'm an Esplin, I'm a Duncan, I'm a Litostansky. There is rumor (have yet to find physical proof, just word of mouth from family) that the father of one of my Great Gandmother's on my mother's side was Algonquin. In total heritage wise, I have been told I am Irish, Scottish, Welsh, English, French, German-Dutch, Polish, and Algonquin (been told I am also of Cherokee, but haven't found the family link yet).

The point I bring all of this up is simple, I have no culture. I don't have a cultural identity because I grew up away from it all. I had a few years being exposed to Lakota traditions, but I was never raised in it. I wasn't raised in any culture. (Redundant, I know)

I feel lost in so many ways when it comes to what and who I am. I've had to depend on where I have felt called to follow spiritually, which in turn has lead me to take even a closer look at my heritage/genetics. I am a Northern Tradition Pagan, I feel called to the Norse gods and many of the practices, but because I've had no one to teach me the traditions I don't call myself a Heathen and instead; I create my own path with what I have learned from the Sagas and my connection with the Gods I follow.

Even though I follow the path I create, that still doesn't mean I don't feel a certain emptiness when it comes to culture. And that is simply because the US doesn't have a culture aside from the many different indigenous cultures (which are closed cultures to outsiders and only the rare few who get adopted into the cultures or have been able to prove their heritage and are allowed to join their tribe, are allowed to learn and partake in said culture).

I'm a mutt with no home, and I know I'm not the only one that feels like this. Its because of this that I seek the path that I seek, but its been difficult due to many from the origins of those cultures not always being very welcoming to outsiders. Which I can understand due to some who are seeking to learn only wanting to so they can abuse what they've been taught to make money off of it.

I know eventually I will find a way to find my cultural home, even if it means I must create one to teach to my son and any future children. So future generations of my family will not feel the way that I feel and will have their home. I know its possible that the ancestors from the other bloodlines that run through our veins can call to them to lead them to another path. Which in a sense is how things are with myself and my mother. The native indigenous ancestors of our family have called to her and she has followed to the best of her ability as she can, while for me, my European ancestry has called to me.

Cultures have come and gone on this planet, and new ones will arise over time, which is why I've begun to think while learning about my ancestry and practices are good, I must create my own if I am to feel at home. Which in turn means I must do my best to make sure I do not appropriate from other cultures, that I don't use practises and items that are unique to a specific culture (like native headdress's and many other items from other cultures).

Were/Are Religious Leaders Hiding Something?

(For the point of this article, we are going to assume that the stories mentioned are in fact true to some degree.)

Last night as I laid in bed letting my mind wander as I drifted off to sleep, a theory/realization came to my mind. My thoughts started off on how now, with the help of science, a woman can fertilize another woman's egg by using bone-marrow or some other for of material that holds the proper information of DNA. A child born of this way will always be female, because the only chromosomes being provided are the X chromosomes. Y Chromosomes, which are needed for male children are only carried by males.

As I continued down this train of thought, I began to think about how if a woman could inseminate herself, again the child would be female because the only DNA being provided would be female. Which then got me thinking about the many religious stories about immaculate conception, specifically the story of Mary and Jesus. It was then that I realized, because immaculate conception is self insemination, it would mean one of two things;

1) None of the women who became pregnant were Virgins, because if they had given birth to a male child, they had to have sex with someone who could provide the Y Chromosome, deity or otherwise. And that action in itself removes the status of being a Virgin.

2) If the women were indeed Virgins, then that would mean the children born were in fact female. This means two scenarios would have happened for Christianity:
                      - Either the man we know as Jesus was actually in fact the husband of the female prophet, having to speak for her since in that society a woman's word when it came to anything, especially religion, was completely ignored.

                      - Or religious leaders did some serious heavy editing to make the woman a man instead.
(both scenarios either way would really give new meaning to what would be considered as the Holy Grail)

The truth of the matter is, this wouldn't be too surprising considering how much the Church and other organized religions are very much for being Patriarchal and suppressing women and taking away any form of power or influence they used to hold in many Pagan societies.

Now, for those who might argue the whole miracle of God thing, in order for Mary to have gained the Y Chromosome, he would have had to take physical form in order for that chromosome to be passed on, again, negating her Virgin status.

As for the stories of deities who immaculately conceived, again for the sake of the article we are going to assume the stories are true and they are deities. We don't know anything about their genetics, nor how things would work scientifically for them. Which means it is quite possible their women also carried a Y Chromosome of some sort, so they could give birth to both females and males. I mean, considering Zeus gave birth to Athena from his forehead, with her fully dressed in armour, there is definitely a lot that is a complete mystery when it comes to the Gods and Spirits.

If my theory is correct, this would mean that this is probably the biggest secret the Vatican, and a number of serious religions leaders of organized religions are keeping from everyone else's knowledge.

In the end, this is merely a theory, and until there is any way to prove these stories are even remotely true, theories will remain as theories.

(Artist/Photographer unknown)

Regional Land and Water Spirits/Beings

I just saw an article about how Pennsylvania state park is evicting gnomes from the gnome houses that were made for them on some of the trees. Now, while I can understand why people are upset about this, because the belief in the Fae, Fair Folk, Gnomes, Trolls, and such are on the rise in other countries aside from Scandinavia, I don't think you are going to find them in North America.

I have a good reason for saying this.

These fantastical beings are regional, they are land and water beings, tied to the land of their lore. North America has their own land and water beings/spirits that you aren't going to find in Europe or in Asia. Some creatures seem to be world wide (such as vampires, werewolves, and shapeshifters), but those are not creatures of the land or waters. They are creatures that are human or once were human and therefore not tied to the lands they originated in. You are not going find the Raven Mocker in France, the Panti' roaming around Germany, the Bakwas floating in the forests of Scandinavia, the Urayuli walking about the woods of Romania, or the Achiyalatopa roaming around Greece.

North America does have their own versions of similar creatures to Europe, some examples are the Ishigaq from the Inuit lore, the Gaasyendietha from Seneca lore, Skin-walkers from the Navajo lore (though they are much more malevolent and dangerous than other shapeshifters), Yehasuri of the Catawba lore, Unhcegila from the Lakota lore, Tsul 'Kalu from the Cherokee lore, etc.

There are many spirits and land/water beings that exist all throughout the world, some are very similar to one another, others are almost identical, and many are extremely unique.

The point of this article is that while many of us Pagans practice and follow European paths and believe in many European creatures, we assume that those same practices and creatures are here in North America. It is disrespectful to the land and surroundings beings when you follow the rules and traditions of another land when dealing with the local beings, instead of learning and understanding the rules that they follow here.

Not saying some house creatures didn't come over with those who immigrated from Europe, but they are few and probably stay within those houses and yards. My best suggestion, is while you follow your path and learn about the creatures of Europe, learn about the local creatures and their rules as well, that way when you work with the land and its inhabitants, you are showing them respect and acknowledgement that they are there.

"How Morning Star Lost Her Fish", from Stories the Iroquois Tell Their Children by Mabel Powers, 1917

Larry MacDougall

A Loss of Identity

One thing you see a lot of in the US, typically more so than anywhere else, is the constant process of labelling of ones self. And I do not mean the labels of religions or clothing styles, or even sexual orientation/gender. I mean when we label ourselves from some form of heritage such as "I'm African American", "I'm Irish American", "I'm Asian American", etc. Usually, you hear these kinds of descriptions from people whose family has been in the US for a few generations now. We don't see to completely identify as simply just Americans, and I have a theory as to why this may be.

You find in many other countries, that when a person is a citizen of that country, unless they are a dual citizen, you won't here "I'm African British", "I'm Asian Canadian", or "I'm Scottish Norwegian". You typically only find those kinds of labels in the US. And I feel this is due to one major thing that the US doesn't have that the other countries do have. A Culture.

As a country, we do not truly have a culture that defines us as Americans. We are a conglomerate of many individual cultures brought over from all over the world. And while this is a very wonderful thing to see, to be able to see so many different backgrounds being able to live in the same country, it also creates an emptiness for many who's families have been here for many generations due to the loss of their families culture. Its why we get so hung up on trying to find an identity, and why, sometimes in religions, you will get people who want that religion to only be for certain people. You see this mostly in Heathen and Wiccan communities, and I am sure you see it in other communities as well.

Because we lack an identity, a culture, a way to connect to where we come from, we become so caught up in our labels that sometimes we take it too far, and make it too important. Its why in Heathenism you have a 50/50 chance of either finding a page or group that is truly open and accepting of those who have been called by the gods of that path, or finding a page or group that believes only people of European descent (specifically Scandinavian) have any right to even follow the Heathen path.

And in Wicca, again you have a 50/50 chance of either finding those who are open and accepting of who you are and your practice style is, or finding those who say unless you come from a family tradition you cannot claim to be Wiccan.

I think its because of our loss of identity and culture that many become so clingy of these things, and become so protective of it that they turn it into something negative.

Everywhere else you go you have a culture of people, but in the US all we have is a culture of money.

I honestly have no idea how we could work to correct this issue, but maybe we already are. Many groups, religiously, and heritage are working to become more open and to share knowledge with many others. And maybe, just maybe, if we all were to let go of our tight grips on our labels, to work on finding who were are as a people now, while still remembering our ancestors and where we come from, a new culture may emerge that will give us and those to come an identity we can be proud of, that will unite us as Americans, rather than "Insert heritage here" Americans.

(I apologize for any redundancies and/or bad grammar, its almost midnight when I wrote this so there are bound to be mistakes, but these are some of the thoughts that have been rummaging through my head for the past year)

When Pagan Pages Attack

I do apologize that my first blog of the year is another rant blog, but this is to address an issue that pops up a lot in many Pagan pages that I have come across. Though none as bad as actually being asked if I was the one who hacked their page all because I was disagreeing with the meme they used, not the message they were trying to get across.

There seems to be a problem with many Pagan pages now a days that are pretty much banning any form of disagreements on their pages. Disagreement of opinions, views, messages, and other things. Now, many people who make comments that disagree with a post on these pages half the time are very aggressive and are attacking the page/poster. Then there is the other half where the person is actually polite and is not attacking anything, but is simply commenting their opinion.

Then there are pages who are like the aggressive commentators, who will attack anyone who comments a disagreement with anything. Today I came across a post on a page, who I have loved, followed, and supported for a few months now thinking that the admins where pretty cool and I loved the messages they were posting. The post they made had a great message about how the Pagan community need to be united, caring, and helpful to one another and of other pages. Nothing wrong with that message, I fully agree with it. What seemed a bit off with that message was the meme associated with the post which stated "A Queen never leaves her throne to address a peasant throwing stones". Now, on the surface this seems like a pretty great quote and is very empowering.

If you dig a little deeper though into that statement, thinking about it from a perspective of leader and country, its actually a very pompous statement.

If you have peasants throwing stones, there is always a reason for it. If a queen never goes to see why the peasant is throwing the stone, the situation can never be fixed and will lead to disorder and eventually an uprising against said queen. A good leader will always leave their throne when it comes to their people who they are in charge of caring for.

Reading the meme, I felt it was contradictory to what the admin's message was and I stated as such. I said that the comment wasn't towards the message because I agreed with it, but it was aimed at the meme and I said why I felt it wasn't such the best of statements to use and that maybe something more along the lines of "A Queen never leaves her throne to address the heckles from others". Implying that anyone, rich or peasant, who simply wants to hate the leader for her being who she is will be ignored.

My comment was taken as if I was attacking them, their message, and their page. When I clarified what I was saying and apologized if I had caused confusion of my intentions of my comment, I was told that commenting disagreements brought people down and found my comment deleted.

Admittedly I was very upset by this, and still a little am. Nothing in my comment was derogatory, offensive, nor attacking anyone or anything. I kept it civil and polite. And yet, have been made out to look like I was attacking them, their message, and their page, and have now even been asked if I was the one who had hacked their page, all because apparently my small not serious disagreement was negative and attacking them.

I know I am not the only who has probably had a similar thing happen to them. All I know is such things are what tears people apart. Trying to silence someone by saying they are being negative and attacking them, telling them that disagreements bring people down and are basically not allowed is just as bad as attacking a person because you disagree with them. Both are trying to suppress individualism and free thought. Both try to suppress what it means to be human and what it means to be Pagan.

How else are we all going to grow and learn if we aren't allowed to express our disagreements? I fully agree that being aggressive and attacking people is not the way to do things, but trying to suppress even the smallest hint of a disagreement in a post/comment is wrong.

What will make us stronger as a community is being able to civilly and politely discuss our disagreements, our viewpoints, and our stances on things without name calling or attacking each other. Being able to talk things through so we not only better understand one another, but also ourselves makes us a strong community and people. Its why, as long as any disagreements are civil and polite, even if I don't agree with what is stated, I will not remove comments from my blogs, nor my pages.

I hope this problem with this page, and many others will eventually stop and we all can be the community we have been looking for. Supportive, and not afraid to expression our ideas, thoughts, and opinions because we know they will be discussed rather than attacked.

(Page name will not be mentioned because this is simply a rant, not a slander article. If you happen to know the page of which I am speaking about, I request that their name is not commented for their privacy.)

Image from http://blog.stonehenge-stone-circle.co.uk/2011/06/